Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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