Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
