I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
