right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
