Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
