I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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