Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
