My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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