she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
