Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
