you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
