Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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