I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
