I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The beer is more important than you right now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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