I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
