I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
