she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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