He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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