How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
