I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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