I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
