She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
