I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
