wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
organizing the empties. That sober.
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
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I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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