Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
