Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
