she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Are we still banned from the library?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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