I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
