Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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