Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
