Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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