I wanna bring you to show and tell
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
