Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
