She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
