We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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