remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?