I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
