I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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