my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
