So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
