im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
