so that wasnt chicken after all
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
