I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
