Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
