remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
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why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
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I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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