dude i'm inner monologue high
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
