Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sext me about skeletons
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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