i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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