This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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