how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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