i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my being single is dangerous.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
being pregnant is like rehab
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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