i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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