1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
