Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
