found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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