she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
