at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
my poor anus
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
