how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
