I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
