I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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