chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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