but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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