so explain again why im purple
no
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
